Domais
The Domster!
Staff member
First Citizen (PM)
Foreign Affairs
Councillor (CLS)
Internal Affairs
Citizen
Lazarene
Verified
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2018
- Messages
- 1,135
- Feather
- ƒ3,261
- Thread Author
- #1
IMKI SQUARE, Mar. 28 -- In a breathtaking act of political gymnastics, the government of Lazarus has executed the rare and majestic art of overthrowing itself, emerging triumphantly as the New Lazarene Order -- a name that might stir distant, uncomfortable memories for those familiar with history. But fear not! The leadership assures us that, "this time, it's completely different." After all, nothing says "stability" quite like deposing oneself.
State media has dubbed this self-coup the Revolution of Unity -- because, naturally, the best revolutions are the ones where everyone already agrees. The move was justified in a grand televised address by First Citizen Domais. He assured the public that this was an "inevitable and necessary political realignment" to restore the sacred Lazarene principles of Order, Harmony, and Prosperity -- three lofty ideals that, much like Lazarus' leadership over the years, seem to be constantly in flux. Domais further clarified that these sweeping changes had the "unanimous and enthusiastic support" of both the Hegemon and the Herald -- because, when one orchestrates a self-coup, it's best done with unanimous approval from oneself
At the ceremonial helm of this resurrected regime sits none other than the now-former Hegemon, His Roundness, Tubbius, First of His Name. Weighing in at a stately twenty tons, the beloved monarch has magnanimously accepted the title Emperor of the New Lazarene Order. His coronation promises to be a lavish affair -- provided the venue can structurally withstand the ten-ton emerald throne upon which he presides. To commemorate this historic moment, an opulent banquet has been scheduled immediately after the ceremony, with His Imperial Roundness expected to heroically consume a 45-course meal in what can only be described as a truly Olympian feat of statecraft, demonstrating once again that leadership is, above all, a test of endurance. From atop his immovable monolithic seat, the newly anointed emperor issued his first imperial decree: "Mmph! Mmmmmph! Mmmmmph!" -- a profound statement that, though unintelligible, was met with thunderous applause by officials eager to maintain employment.
Meanwhile, the now-former Herald, His Fluffiness, Mr. Lazarus (with a capital M, as the new regime is keen to remind everyone), has assumed a yet-to-be-defined but undoubtedly critical role in the new order. Sources within the palace suggest his primary responsibilities now include overseeing intelligence operations and ensuring that those with "misguided political opinions" suddenly develop an unshakable desire for early retirement. His newly formed Imperial Office of Political Stability and Correctional Reeducation is reportedly already hard at work, though oddly, nobody seems to recall seeing any of its former critics lately.
As part of this bold new vision, the government has also undergone a dramatic rebranding effort. The Cabinet is now called the Senate, because -- as history has repeatedly shown -- merely changing the names of institutions instantly fixes all governance issues. In a move hailed as "a stroke of administrative genius", First Citizen Domais has also promoted himself to President of the Senate. One anonymous insider reported that Domais spent the morning in a shroom-fueled fervor, pacing the Senate halls and repeatedly declaring, "I am the Senate!" in an increasingly intense and theatrical tone -- a statement widely regarded as both authoritative and completely normal.
Outside Lazarus, interregional observers, initially puzzled by the self-coup, quickly connected the dots. The signs had been there for months: the election of Domais, a then citizen of the New Pacific Order (NPO), to the highest office; the appointment of Feux, a former NPO Regent (and, coincidentally, an organizer behind the original New Lazarene Order coup), as Minister of Internal Affairs; and the elevation of Yao, a former NPO Deputy Senator of Foreign Affairs (where have we heard that name before?), to Minister of Foreign Affairs.
Yes, indeed, the cycle is complete. Long live the New Lazarene Ord
er! (Again.)
State media has dubbed this self-coup the Revolution of Unity -- because, naturally, the best revolutions are the ones where everyone already agrees. The move was justified in a grand televised address by First Citizen Domais. He assured the public that this was an "inevitable and necessary political realignment" to restore the sacred Lazarene principles of Order, Harmony, and Prosperity -- three lofty ideals that, much like Lazarus' leadership over the years, seem to be constantly in flux. Domais further clarified that these sweeping changes had the "unanimous and enthusiastic support" of both the Hegemon and the Herald -- because, when one orchestrates a self-coup, it's best done with unanimous approval from oneself
At the ceremonial helm of this resurrected regime sits none other than the now-former Hegemon, His Roundness, Tubbius, First of His Name. Weighing in at a stately twenty tons, the beloved monarch has magnanimously accepted the title Emperor of the New Lazarene Order. His coronation promises to be a lavish affair -- provided the venue can structurally withstand the ten-ton emerald throne upon which he presides. To commemorate this historic moment, an opulent banquet has been scheduled immediately after the ceremony, with His Imperial Roundness expected to heroically consume a 45-course meal in what can only be described as a truly Olympian feat of statecraft, demonstrating once again that leadership is, above all, a test of endurance. From atop his immovable monolithic seat, the newly anointed emperor issued his first imperial decree: "Mmph! Mmmmmph! Mmmmmph!" -- a profound statement that, though unintelligible, was met with thunderous applause by officials eager to maintain employment.
Meanwhile, the now-former Herald, His Fluffiness, Mr. Lazarus (with a capital M, as the new regime is keen to remind everyone), has assumed a yet-to-be-defined but undoubtedly critical role in the new order. Sources within the palace suggest his primary responsibilities now include overseeing intelligence operations and ensuring that those with "misguided political opinions" suddenly develop an unshakable desire for early retirement. His newly formed Imperial Office of Political Stability and Correctional Reeducation is reportedly already hard at work, though oddly, nobody seems to recall seeing any of its former critics lately.
As part of this bold new vision, the government has also undergone a dramatic rebranding effort. The Cabinet is now called the Senate, because -- as history has repeatedly shown -- merely changing the names of institutions instantly fixes all governance issues. In a move hailed as "a stroke of administrative genius", First Citizen Domais has also promoted himself to President of the Senate. One anonymous insider reported that Domais spent the morning in a shroom-fueled fervor, pacing the Senate halls and repeatedly declaring, "I am the Senate!" in an increasingly intense and theatrical tone -- a statement widely regarded as both authoritative and completely normal.
Outside Lazarus, interregional observers, initially puzzled by the self-coup, quickly connected the dots. The signs had been there for months: the election of Domais, a then citizen of the New Pacific Order (NPO), to the highest office; the appointment of Feux, a former NPO Regent (and, coincidentally, an organizer behind the original New Lazarene Order coup), as Minister of Internal Affairs; and the elevation of Yao, a former NPO Deputy Senator of Foreign Affairs (where have we heard that name before?), to Minister of Foreign Affairs.
Yes, indeed, the cycle is complete. Long live the New Lazarene Ord
er! (Again.)
